You are Loved…

Posted on 11/24/2005. Filed under: Uncategorized |

That is what the back window of a car said today. I saw it on the freeway on the way home and the first thought that came to mind was yeah right.

I do not feel loved. I know my friends and family love me. I know many people are upset about the election results on November 8th 2005 when Texas decided became the 19th state to say that Gays and Lesbians are second class citizens.

A portion of my soul has been stomped, beaten and killed by the people of Texas and 18 other states. I am despised just because I love in a different way. I am vilified because God in his infinite wisdom decided to make me different. I have been called “faggot” more since November 8th than I have since I was a teenager back in North Carolina. It is now acceptable behavior to attack me just because I have a pink triangle on the back of my car. So far the attacks have only been verbal but I fear that will change soon.

I have sunk into depression so deep I doubt there is really any hope of overcoming it. I plan to keep fighting but I fear it is all pointless and futile. The Land of the Free wants me to leave the country or get in the damn closet and live a lie. I have fought so hard so that young people who came after me could be out and proud. I stood up to the police when they would raid bars and try and intimidate Gays & Lesbians. Stonewall was not the only bar continually raided. I picked elected officials offices when they would not support ant-discrimination laws. I have written countless letters, editorials and diaries through the years to explain, discuss, plead and beg for Equal Rights that are promised in the United States Constitution to All People.

I know things are much different than they were 32 years ago when I came out at the age of 15 in a small town in North Carolina. I know I have had some small part in affecting these changes. I am proud of what has been accomplished. I am also scared as hell that it was all wasted effort as I watch the majority of the country decide we are worthless pieces of humanity that should be outlawed.

Too many so called liberal or progressive groups who should have worked with us in Texas and all of the other states, sat on their asses and watched as these laws and constitutional amendments were passed. They offered no help or if they did they waited until it was too late to do any good. It hurts even more to think that groups I have helped worked with on other issues did not feel the need to care or help. I feel betrayed. I have already canceled my membership in these different groups and will be asking my GLBT friends to do the same.

Yes, I will continue to fight the fight and hopefully see the day when this war is over. Will I ever get over the pain and hurt I feel right now? No, I don’t think so. I do hope that future generations of the GLBT community only read about these feelings and never experience them.

My Christmas present to myself this year will be a tattoo that is a tribal band done in Rainbow Colors with a Pink Triangle lined in black and the following words worked into the design: I will not go quietly.

(crossposted at MLW,booman,Dkos)


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3 Responses to “You are Loved…”

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I’m sorry you’re feeling so down right now.

Progress is being made, but you are right, it is too damn slow.

Hang in there.

Thank you. I know we have come a long way but sometimes the distance we still have to travel is overwhelming. I will continue to help in the strugge for equal rights for all people. I can only pray for the time when future generations only read about this stuff and don’t have to live it.

I hope you cheer up soon.
Recently I read that Robert Kennedy used to say something along the lines of, 20% of the American electorate is against everything.
I think he was right.
Now, what we do about the rest of those clowns, I do not know.

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